What happens when the wind leaves our sails? At one point it seems we all have it, endless potential, innocent joy, the world by the balls… What happens to that? When does that give way to cynicism, indifference, where pessimism becomes the new realism? Was it when “it” happened; the injury, the time you were hurt by someone or were cheated? Did you recover from it and become stronger or, did it leave you “ruined” like damaged goods… Perhaps you felt lost, left somewhere in the middle? What is your story?
Chances are, if your story ends with you being where you want to be, being the person you want to be, you’ve had your share of hardships and tough times, rose back up and continued on until you got to where you are now. Chances are, if you are unhappy where you are, or who you have become, you have had you’re hardships too, and you have your reasons as to why you haven’t moved past. Are you the victim or the victor in your story? Everybody has a bad few pages in their tale, nobody is exempt from the lessons of life; but everybody has the same option that few dare take, to learn, to grow, and ultimately overcome, to write their own story instead of having it dictated to them…
What makes the difference between the two stories, what sets them apart, I believe, is the level of responsibility the experiencer takes for each and every moment. Each thought, word & action we emit, we chose, consciously or unconsciously, and are 100% responsible for. Every circumstance, advantage or disadvantage, we find ourselves in, even unforeseen surprises, we navigated ourselves, conscious or unconsciously, aware or in ignorance into the setup. In the ensuing aftermath, once again we find ourselves consciously or not, reacting in thought, word or action. At a bare minimum, we are at least 50% responsible for anything that has ever or will ever “happen to us”.
You know exactly which type of story you are living by honestly looking at your results, your situation, and observing where the credit goes. By throwing blame on other people, circumstance or the like, the “victim” does himself a huge disservice; for by refusing to look at his own role, he refuses to open the precious gift of wisdom life is offering, thus refuses to turn the page. It matters not if blame is hurled in rage, woefully cast in sorrow, or ignored in ignorance; without being responsible for the past and present, the power of being response-able of your future will be allusive, and the wind of the Tao will never find your sail.
Sure there is a payoff, by pointing the finger everywhere besides the self, the ego becomes absolved of all wrongdoing and remains the pinnacle of self-righteousness. Reality gets turned on it’s head, and the problems are created “out there”, with no change inside, no growth. If you take the unchanged equation of you, and replicate the formula, you are going to get the same result. Whether in anger, depression or pride, by refusing to take ownership of our life’s circumstance, learning from it, and releasing the egoic emotional attachment, a new autobiography takes shape, with you as the victim of the story.
Sometimes it feels like it is too late to turn things around, some of the folks I talk with feel powerless against the walls they have built in their mind, and are completely immersed in this “victim mentality”; the mindset of perceiving one’s own innate personal power as outside of themselves coupled with the absence of holding oneself accountable. The antithesis of “victim mentality” is “victor mentality”, but both of these are simply mindsets, viewpoints of one’s relation with the rest of their world. Perception begets projection, what we say is our reality eventually becomes real.
It’s been said that the hardest prison to break out of is our mind… Even the consideration of changing our view on any of the events in our lives, or conceiving alternative options with ourselves having power over something we currently see as “just the way it is”, “the way it has to be” or something “that cannot be changed” seems … unreal. But that is only because of the way we are looking at it, as “just the way it is”, “the way it should be” or something “that cannot be changed”… The funny thing is this, all of those labels, and all of the “power” behind them are just others perceptions! Change the perception, change the projection, change your reality!!!
Everybody has hit some obstacles or walls in their story. Once upon a time I was a raging opioid user, guess what… It’s been over 10 years. In what feels like another life, I ran from my old one, lived wherever I parked my car and decided to stake everything on getting back the life I wanted. On more than a few levels, statistically I shouldn’t have made it. I shouldn’t have just conquered addiction. I shouldn’t have gotten into the career I dreamed of after being someone like that. I shouldn’t have made the comeback, to have a life exactly as I designed, lacking not-a-thing. After a devastating back injury, I shouldn’t be able to be living the active outdoor life I love.
Good thing shouldn’t was just a perception
I don’t say that and tell my story to say I’m a badass. What I am saying, is that everybody is a badass, they have to just say so, and perceive it… What I am saying, is no-matter what your situation is, no-matter how “permanent & final” something may seem, no-matter how high the walls in your mind are, IT ISN’T OVER UNTIL YOU SAY IT IS!! You are the captain & the pilot! Let your hunger for what you want drive you. Let go of feeling powerless, empower yourself! Let go of the weight of everything that’s “happened to you”, forgive. Let go of feeling sorry for yourself, own it, and make the change. Is it worth letting your pride and fear taking a hit so you can live the life you want? Is it worth it?