Take a moment to watch the next sunrise or sunset and take notice to feel your heart swell with awe. It’s amazing, the same ball of gas, the same rock, dancing in space, repeating every 24 hours. The thing that blows me away is that although the facts are simple as that, each cycle serves as a separation from prior experience, and each experience is its own. The cosmic choreography of our life is infinite and beyond the depths of our wonder. Some ask “why”, others ask “why not?” As I watched the sun peek over Sunrise mountain range this morning I knew that I had never seen another quite like it, leaving me with a sense urgency knowing that my number of amazing moments such as this are limited; and while I felt elated for being alive and in this moment, grateful for who is in my life, inspired to maximize my existence, I cannot help but acknowledge the time I have squandered missing out on this elation.
Not until this last chapter of my life do I feel as tough I have truly lived, consciously navigating the seas of existence and CHOOSING who I AM according to the true north of my internal compass. Those of you that I have had the pleasure of knowing for some time I’m sure are aware of my commitment to perusing the best version of me, breaking through that, and contributing back to earth and her inhabitants. What you probably didn’t know was that throughout the previous chapters, I felt plagued with loneliness, lack of self worth, and timid to truly open up to deeply connect with the folks around me. I would drown emptiness with bottle after bottle, ate every pill I could get my hands on, did anything I could to push myself past the point of my perceptions sight, to loose myself. I found comfort in being lost. Even after watching several of my friends destroy and loose their life’s, some bit by bit, some tragically, all by choice, I still didn’t open my eyes. I was trapped in the land of ego, disrespecting every aspect of myself, handing over and giving up all of the power over my own life… to nothing.
One particular night, while driving through the desert coming back home to Vegas, something changed inside. I was traveling through nothingness, an abyss of midnight, the only visible area in the whole world was right in front of me, in my headlights. For some reason I was fixated on my rear view mirror, nothing but black, and an overwhelming comfort washed over me, there was nothing behind me, nothing to fear, nothing to run from, or be ashamed of. Nothing, except what was right in front of me, and not much further, so I chose to turned my back on doubt and fear, focusing only on where I’m going. Some profound knowing voice from within knew that this hole I had been digging, was on the cusp of going way too deep. Of all the revelations I’ve stumbled upon in life, and all of the self discoveries that have impacted every aspect of my being, NONE have been more empowering than this one simple concept: You are not your past.
And so I began my journey, pouring through countless pages, diving headfirst into philosophy, science frontiers, belief structures and personal development. My perspective widened, close relationships soared and my life felt like it had landed on a self perpetuating upward spiral. In taking responsibility of my past and present I had moved into the drivers seat and began co-creating the life I wanted. All these ideas about my purpose stated to bubble and brew within, I found myself wanting to share this immense transformation of self empowerment, and inspire others to seek their joy and peace within. I nominated myself the happiest person on the planet, and took up residency on my personal plateau. The journey was breathtaking, the trail till that point left me breathless, still I knew there was more to travel, more to learn.
How much is too much, is good enough really good enough? Am I playing a big game or a small one? When I start asking myself these questions I remember an amazing perspective I stumbled upon once: service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. Service, raising consciousness and being a part of a world that works is OUR purpose, so why settle for playing small? Striving to evolve into the most beneficial and alive human being I can potentially become has been an exciting process, from every hard honest look in the mirror, to every carefree s#!+ eating grin. Focusing on my purpose and asking questions like “am I playing this small?” help me shift from operating from an inward focused to an outward focused paradigm, which compliments every aspect of my life and who I choose to be.
This moment is all we really have, it’s what’s in our headlights. Our life IS important, it’s a disservice to ourselves and our entire race to not serve our purpose and take a stand. There is nothing in our rear view mirror that dictates where we are going or who we are going to be! THIS IS OUR MOMENT! It serves as our perpetual sunrise, the opportunity of transformation that frees us from our past. A friend once told me that there’s a reason that our windshield is so big, and our rear view mirror was so small! I used to look in the mirror and see a weak, selfish, broken addict, stuck projecting the past. I catch myself now marveling, flabbergasted that I pulled it off and steered my life to exactly where I wanted, to contentment, endless love, adventure and continuous expansion… I will never look back